Monday, 25 March 2013

Someone Who Lives in Your Heart

Well, TV (ehm, infotaiment?)  nowadays is stuffed with the news of some entertainers that has just passed away. First, Tata Dado. Entertainer cowok yang kece banget di zaman 90-an lewat peran dan gaya diva-nya. He gave up to the diabetes complication, if I'm not mistaken. Second, Ricky Johannes. Presenter olahraga yang dikenal sebagai sosok yang ramah, hangat, bersahaja, dan ngga pernah kedengeran sakit. I saw the coverage of his funeral on TV this afternoon. I saw his daughter wailing. I don't even know Ricky Johannes and his family in person, but my heart broke into pieces waktu nonton itu tadi.

These remind me of the death of my grandpapp. I've lost the loved ones in my life. My grandpapp, and my aunt. But, to be very honest, the death of my grandpapp is what hurts me most. It has been 3 years, tapi sakit dan sedihnya masih terasa sampe sekarang. Setiap kali aku inget beliau, I feel the pain in my chest. I could not stop my tears from falling. I remember clearly how he kept his faith till the day God picked him up. I remember how he wiped our tears when we were lamenting his suffering. I remember how he told us his amazing stories. I remember his awesomeness.

Ngga tau aku pernah cerita atau ngga, my grandpapp suffered from coronary heart disease. Sebenernya penyakitnya udah lama, dan if I'm not mistaken, udah bolak-balik opname sampe 7x dalam 5 tahun terakhir sampai beliau meninggal and had to live with medicines for the rest of his life. Terakhir beliau masuk rumah sakit, awalnya karena beliau jatuh waktu mau berusaha jalan ke kamar mandi. Beliau merasa kuat dan ngga mau minta tolong perawatnya untuk tuntun beliau. Karena jatuh itu, tulang panggulnya patah dan, yeah, harus dioperasi. The risky operation process went very well. Bonggol tulang panggul yang patah itu diganti dengan bonggol aluminium. Tapi, berhubung usianya waktu itu udah 83, proses pemulihan ngga bisa berlangsung dengan cepat. Karena buat jalan juga susah, musti menjalani proses fisioterapi yang cukup panjang juga, jadinya he spent most of his times on the hospital bed. Hasilnya, pencernaannya terganggu, dan harus operasi dibuat lubang diperut untuk metabolismenya.

He once masuk ICU. Aku memang pernah denger dari pendetaku, kalo di ruang ICU itu banyak setannya, karena banyak orang meninggal disana. My grandpapp termasuk orang yang peka dan bisa berinteraksi dengan roh kayak gitu. Once he said to us, "tadi malem berisik, saya ngga bisa tidur. Rame disini. Anak kecil, orang gede. Pada ngulurin tangan ngajak-ngajak saya. Saya usir, saya bilang, 'ngga mau! Kalo bukan Tuhan Yesus yang bawa saya, yang ajak saya, saya ngga mau ikut. Pergi kalian!' terus pergilah mereka." Kita semua antara percaya ngga percaya denger ceritanya kayak gitu.

The night God picked him up was the night before the digestion surgery takes place. We, his closest relatives, children and grandchildren were there to encourage and comfort him. I spent some of my money for him.  Ngga seberapa, ngga ada apa-apanya dibanding biaya yang harus keluar untuk perawatannya, tapi aku yakin itu bisa bikin beliau seneng. I gave it to my aunt  who bears almost all the cost.  Aku lagi ada diluar kamarnya waktu my aunt called me and told me that grandpapp wants to meet me to say thanks. I came into his room, and it was in front of everyone he turned to me, smiled weakly, and said, "hehehe.. ini dia cucu saya." I felt very touched and honored, ngedenger grandpapp ngomong gitu. He was an army, he had a hard and tough life. He was not a kind of person yang gampang nunjukkin rasa sayang dan bangganya sama orang lain. Makanya, begitu grandpapp bilang gitu ke aku, aku bener-bener cuma bisa cengengesan sambil berkaca-kaca. Then he asked me to pray for him. I burst into tears while praying for him, in front of our relatives. And as what he always did, he wiped my tears and said thank you. :')

I had to come home for I had an important presentation the next day on campus. 1 AM, my mom's phone rang. It was my aunt who stayed in the hospital to take care of grandpapp. She said that grandpapp masuk ICU lagi, karena serangan jantung mendadak.  February 19th, 2010, 1.20 AM, she phoned us again, and told that Grandpapp has gone. My mom burst into tears at the news of his death and I could only fall silent. We were rushing to the hospital, and yes, my aunts were weeping as they repeatedly said "Bapak... Bapak udah pergi.. Bapak ninggalin kita..."  Aku bener-bener speechless ngga tau musti bilang apa, aku ngga bisa nangis. Aku terlalu shock buat nangis. Then I led my mom to the ICU, to see the body of grandpapp. Keluar dari ICU, aku duduk lemes di tangga rumah sakit, jam 3 pagi, aku telepon si pacar. I knew he was sleeping tightly, but then he answered my phone call, dan disitu aku baru nangis. Sakit banget rasanya. Sakit. Banget. Kebayang gak sih, like, lo baru spent some of your money buat beliau, beliau seneng, minta didoain, dan ternyata dalam hitungan jam beliau pergi ninggalin lo. I was antara puas udah buat beliau seneng di jam-jam terakhirnya, sedih, sakit, dan ngga siap.

But this is the happy and the most touching thing. My aunt told us, malem itu, grandpapp gelisah banget. Akhirnya diajakin nyanyi-nyanyi sama tanteku. Tapi tetep ngga bisa tidur. Bolak-balik manggilin tanteku. manggilin perawatnya. Tanteku sengaja ngga mau ngeladenin lagi dan pura-pura tidur, karena besok pagi grandpapp mau operasi pencernaan, jadi harus rest well. Trus grandpapp kedengeran kesel sambil bilang, "ah, kalian ini nggak ngerti." Then he prayed, "Tuhan Yesus, memang cuma Engkau yang mengerti saya. Kalau Tuhan mau sembuhkan, sembuhkan saya. Tapi kalau tidak, bawa saya. Amen." Right after that, he drew his last breath, and went. My aunt called the nurses, they were trying to give any help, brought him to the ICU, but yes, grandpapp had gone with Jesus.  

His death was a deep pain for us, for this is our first lost. Ehm, maksudnya pertama kalinya kehilangan keluarga langsung. Tapi yeah, kami semua tenang dan bangga karena kami yakin, it was bener-bener Tuhan Yesus yang jemput grandpapp, for he told us that di ICU banyak 'yang ngajak', tapi beliau bilang cuma mau ikut kalo Tuhan Yesus yang jemput. Kalo waktu itu beliau pergi, ya artinya memang Tuhan Yesus yang dateng dan jemput dia. Such a beautiful death, was it not? :')

Well, aku cukup puas karena disaat-saat terakhirnya sempet bikin beliau tersenyum dan bangga sama aku. Tapi aku juga sedih karena beliau ngga sempet liat aku wisuda, ngga sempet liat dan nikmatin hasil kerjaku selama ini, ngga sempet liat aku ke Jepang (ah, waktu militer dulu, beliau sempet tinggal di Okinawa buat training militer). Tapi, kisah hidup dan kepergiannya yang indah itu bikin aku tenang dan malah bangga sama beliau. Dalam hidupnya, beliau itu dikenal sebagai sosok yang tegas, keras, jarang mengungkapkan pujian dan sayang, tapi sangat penyayang, pintar, teliti, rapi, idealis, dan jujur. Beliau ngga pernah benci dan dibenci orang, tapi emang sering bikin kesel anak-anaknya karena sifatnya yang keras kepala. Beliau dulu kerja di militer bagian intelijen gitu, jadi banyak orang yang mau sogok dia macem-macem, tapi beliau ngga pernah terima sepeser dan satu benda pun. Malah sampai akhirnya ada orang yang jahatin beliau yang bikin pangkat militernya turun. Beliau kesel, tapi ngga pernah bikin sesuatu yang jahat buat orang itu. Beliau sering duduk diteras rumah buat baca koran setiap hari, bahkan sampe masa tuanya, karena beliau ngga mau membiarkan otaknya kosong dan ngga tau apa-apa. Beliau rajin baca alkitab. Well, in sum, ask him anything, and he would provide you the answers. 

On this very night, I proudly write this post for you, Opung. I just have known you for 18 years, but your smile, persistence, passion, intelligence, and love remains and makes me feel like you live forever. Because one said that no one can take away someone who lives in your heart. Thank you for inspiring me to be a great person like you were. I miss you. 

You have fought a good fight, you have finished your course, you have kept the faith.
Persis seperti ayat alkitab favorit beliau, dan yang kini tertulis di nisannya:

"Aku telah mengkahiri pertandingan yang baik, aku telah mencapai garis akhir, dan aku telah memelihara iman." 
2 Timotius 4: 7.

Xx,
Amanda Zevannya.

1 comment:

  1. its very touching
    its so.blessing
    keep inspiring

    ReplyDelete